The journey of Breastfeeding...

As I sit here nursing my Peanut I feel a sense of pride. She such a pro nurser with perfect posture and latch on, I see her jaw move perfectly as she drinks my milk. This relationship was not always a good one.

My journey began when I was pregnant. I didn't nurse Pumpkin so I didn't think to much about nursing Peanut. Sure I'd give it a try but it was not a big deal to me weather or not she nursed. My co-worker and great friend Amanda Evans began telling me how important breastfeeding was. She turned me on to a Dr. Sear's Breastfeeding book and I was convinced. Once Peanut arrived it was hard. In the hospital she didn't want to nurse. The hospital staff showed no support. So she did have a few bottles and even got a pacifier. By the time I got home I hated breastfeeding. It was so hard, Peanut cried, my nipples were sore and even bleed at one point. My friend Amanda sent one of her friends over, who was a lactation consultant, she help me but also kind of scared me. I hated the idea that my life would consist of pure nursing 24/7 and everybody and everything else would come second in my life. I continued praying and reading books about breastfeeding and looking up stuff online. It was enough to encourage me not to give up. Once I was over my sourness I keep on nursing with an occasional bottle to give myself a break. Everyone keep saying it would get better but I was not feeling that. I cried and pleaded to Aaron, " I can't do this". Aaron was so Pro Breastfeeding and supportive in this endeavor and I believe this was a main reason I kept on. Even though he said it would be okay if I didn't nurse, his body language said otherwise. So I keep on nursing and reading about breastfeeding. Night nursing was impossible and Emma just could not do it she was so tiny and my breasts were to big ,I felt she would suffocate. Though I heard so many great things about night nursing it was not possible for us (Another failure in the journey of breastfeeding).

I eventually started attending La Leche League meeting which help me greatly and encouraged me to keep on. I recall one meeting where the Leader posed a question, "What would you change about breastfeeding if you could start over?" My answer was, " I would not breastfeed". I was serious I hated breastfeeding and it was so hard, I would quit everyday. I vowed never to breastfeed another child again. I keep reading books, talking with Amanda and Aaron and attending LLL meetings and it slowly got better and easier. I was slowly beginning to enjoy breastfeeding. I know the bond between my daughter and I was so strong. I don't recall feeling so physically close to Pumpkin. I can read my daughters wants and needs even before she cries. We even learned to night nurse and its great.

Peanut has exclusively breastfeed since she was about 2 months old. As crazy as my journey has been thus far, I love breastfeeding my daughter and if and when I have another child, "Yes, I would breastfeed". Peanut is only 3 months old now so our journey continues. I would like to someday even be a La Leche League Leader and share my journey. Thank you God for giving the strength, knowledge, and support group I needed to be successful.